Saturday, June 30, 2012


Two year olds are just huge. They have done 6 months of growing since I last saw Saoirse. For a long time they never seemed different. But for some reason, recently they have really seemed so much older; so much bigger. More like little people, less like toddlers. I feel like I can't relate any more. I don't have any advice; I don't have any relevant anecdotes; I can't commiserate over personal experience. I feel so out of touch. I'm in some sort of limbo - some sort of strange purgatory between new mom and experienced mom. Some sort of time warp. It's very strange. 

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Anniversary.....4 years, 3rd time forgotten

June 21st is when Mike and I got married. Strangely enough, we have only ever remembered on our own on our first anniversary. This year was number 4. Some days it feels like we just got married, but for the most part it feels like it has been much more than 4 years.
Our first anniversary, I do remember that we remembered (heck, it was the first one, we better have remembered!) I also remember that we didn't celebrate that day. Mike had to work until 9 or 10 pm I believe, and I think we waited until his next day off to go to dinner.
Our second anniversary, we had just had Saoirse. She would have been just 3 weeks old. I remember taking her for a walk in the stroller. We live at the end of a road that leads to a park and estate where many events are held. This day, there was an event, and there was a sign on the road. We looked at it, looked at the date on it, turned to each other and said "happy anniversary." It didn't matter that we forgot, we had our new baby to keep us busy.
Last year was a bit different. June 21st was a Tuesday, and that Friday, June 24th, was the only day that Saoirse and I both had chemotherapy on the same day. Tuesday, she would have already started, so we probably didn't even know what the date was. I think other people reminded us. I can't remember for sure. I know we never much celebrated, although I do believe we went to dinner, at some point.
This year, no surprise, we both forgot. We actually had a meeting that evening. I remember waking up, checking email, and going through my Facebook goings on (like I do every morning). And our friend Katie had put it right there to remind me. Lucky for me I was up first so I got to say it first. We knew it wouldn't be a particularly celebratory day, but at least we "remembered." We are going out on a mini get away this weekend. I'm looking forward to it. It was a gift from a very generous person, and I'm glad we will be able to get away fro a little bit.
Hopefully next year, we won't forget. Maybe I'll make my calendar remind me the day before.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

The Positives of ...... Chemo?

Today we celebrated Saoirse with great family and friends. It was a beautiful day, and it was great to see good friends, eat good food, and watch the kids play and laugh and swing and blow bubbles! Today was a good day.

I got into a conversation about the positive side effects that I have had with chemo. For all the negative that chemo does, especially to your body and your insides, there are a few choice things that are "benefits" from being injected with toxic chemicals.

1. Chemo Cures Psoriasis
    I think you guys read about this before on my other post. (update - as that immune system comes back, the psoriasis does too, but mine isn't as bad...yet)

2. Chemo (and cancer) is the Fastest Weight Loss Plan Ever!
    I would not recommend this, but it is highly effective. (Having a child with cancer, however, is the exact opposite!)

3. Chemo Abolishes Allergies and Asthma
    I have not had an allergy symptom since coming off chemo. I have also not had to use my maintenance medication or rescue medication for my asthma. Go figure.

4. Chemo Curls Hair
    Yup - best perm ever! When that hair comes back, it comes in thick, curly and fabulous! It's great to have hair again, and even better that it comes in with it's own new style. It's like a mini makeover!

Yup, a lot of women pay big bucks to have these things. I suppose I paid big bucks too, but at least mine was covered by insurance :) Wanna see the hair? Here it is!

(it was purple for the buzz off)

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


I got the awesomest journal yesterday! It's called Q & A a day and it asks a question for every day of the year. The greatest thing about this journal? It lasts for 5 years! There is a spot on every page for 5 entries. Each year, you get to compare that day's answer from the year before. I'm having fun with it already, but I can't wait for next year when I get to read what I wrote this year! I think this is such an awesome idea, and something that should really be done by everyone. So go get yourself a 5 year Q & A a day journal from Paper Source, and start answering!

Friday, June 1, 2012

Birthday Girl

Happy 2nd Birthday to my baby girl Saoirse.
Two years ago today, I gave birth to the little girl who made me a mama. Today I don't have her to shower with gifts, or to play with in the yard. She won't be asking for balloons and cake, or playing with her friends. Instead all I have is pictures of her and her toys to keep me company.

Last year on Saoirse's actually birthday, we had just gotten home from the hospital. It was after her second round of chemo, and she was so glad to be home. She wasn't sure about the cake, but she was happy to be celebrating none the less.

We finally had a real party for her almost two months later. She still wasn't quite sure about the cake, but was definitely having a good time.