Going Bald for the Kids!

So..... I'm a little late posting this here. However - it is no less important, and event more important, now.

I'M GOING BALD FOR KIDS WITH CANCER!

I'm participating in One Mission's Kid's Cancer Buzz Off at Gillet Stadium on June 9th! One thing I love about One Mission is their support of the child life services at Boston Children's Hospital. Saoirse spent countless hours in the playroom on 6 North, playing with toys, trains, the keyboard, painting, coloring and reading. The staff and volunteers are so important to keeping spirits up during what is otherwise a difficult, painful, and frankly boring time sitting in a hospital room.

Another thing I love about shaving my head? When I'm 9 months pregnant in the middle of the summer, being bald will be a great way to stay cool!

So help me out by donating to my fundraising page, and help the kids be able to escape for a short time while they endure devastating things to try and save their lives!

Click THIS link:
Kezia's Buzz Off Fundraising Page

PS: if I can meet my goal to raise $1500 by May 24th, two things will happen -

1) I will get to meet Rob Gronkowski and have him sign my shirt :)

2) I'll dye my hair purple - why not?!

Just to entice you, here's a photo of my hair BEFORE :)

Mother's Day...

Mother's Day.....

It's a day set aside each year to show your appreciation to your mom and celebrate those who are mothers. I remember being a kid and going to crafts in the park, picking out a gift for my mum, and wrapping it up knowing she would love what I found for her. I'm pretty sure that for the most part they were all things she didn't need and just took up space, but she always kept them (the only one I remember her using was the pocket tissue holder that lingered in her purse until I was at least in high school). I think to her, it was the fact that we went out and chose it on our own that made her smile. My poor mother has gotten her fair share of strange, non-usefull gifts from me and my sister over the years, and unfortunately she is a packrat, so I'm pretty sure they are all still somewhere in her house. 

For those of us who have lost our children, mother's day is usually a dreaded day as it approaches. It's a difficult concept to grasp - do we celebrate our motherhood, or do we reject the made up holiday and steer clear of the cards and restaurant carnations? I know people on both sides, and I can't fault either one. Emotions are nasty bitches sometimes, and no one should be told how to feel. 

So far I haven't had any luck with mother's day. My first pregnant mother's day, I was due just 3 weeks later, and I was tired, cranky, uncomfortable, bloated and pissy. Pretty standard for 8 and a half months pregnant. My second mother's day was spent in children's hospital. Saoirse had been diagnosed just 3 days prior, and we were doing her first round of chemo. I spent the whole day with her, holding and cuddling her, playing with her and focusing on making her healthy again. It may not have been my ideal thought of what mother's day should be, but in reality, it was probably one of the best mother's days I'll have. I got to focus just on Saoirse - the little girl that made me a mum - and nothing was expected of me other than that. Last year, she was gone. I didn't feel like a mum. I felt like a failure. I had been unable to save her; unable to make her better; unable to give her the childhood she so deserved. Cancer had stolen my baby, stolen my motherhood, stolen my mother's day. I felt defeated. 

This year I feel a little different. Of course, I still hate cancer for what it did to my family - for tearing my Saoirse away from me and leaving a hole in my heart and my life. But I am still a mum. I was a mum starting the day I knew Saoirse was growing inside me. I was stuck with the title, and there was nothing I could do to loose it. From that moment on, she always came first, and that hasn't changed at all today. She is my first thought in the morning, and my last at night. She is my focus each day, and she keeps me running. 

And now there's a feisty little man awaiting his summer birthday. (Luckily, I'm not 8 1/2 months pregnant, only 6 1/2 so I'm not miserable (yet)). His acrobatics remind me that he's growing strong, and that he will soon take over my time and energy. He will be my living child; the one that others "see" as making me a mum; my outward/public sign of motherhood. And he will be all those things, but Saoirse will still be the one who made me a mother. For it was she that changed my life and transformed me from a woman to a mum - a lifetime commitment, a lifetime dedication, a lifetime joy. 

Tour of Doctors....

It seems like we've spent the last week in and out of every doctor's office on the Beverly Hospital campus. All were routine appointments, it just seems like we could have collected them all on one day, rather than over the course of a whole week. Would have made for much less driving. 

Appointment #1: our full survey ultrasound of baby #2! At 19 weeks, they did my full survey ultrasound. I warned the tech when we got there that she would have to chase this baby around to get all the measurements she needed, and she sure did. This little one is quite the acrobat! She followed the baby around and measured everything. Everything looked good, and we got to see lots of pictures. Oh, and they told us the baby's gender........

IT'S A BOY!

Now all we have to do is figure out what to do with a boy ;) and pick out some boy's names. 

Appointment #2: Mike's consult for some swollen lymph nodes. Mike has had some swollen lymph nodes in his neck. He has had a bunch of tests done, and everything has been coming back normal. Naturally we are a little sensitive about swollen lymph nodes, so we went to see a specialist to make sure that there was nothing that would trigger concern. The appointment went great. The doctor was really great at listening to our concerns, and Mike's family history. The exam didn't show anything concerning, and most likely they are just from congestion and a mild virus. We did leave with some homework - Mike has to see if he can get some genetic testing done with his family to see if there are any links to the BRCA gene. 

Appointment #3: my quarterly oncology appointment. This one was totally uneventful. Went in, labs were normal, I was feeling good, and nothing looked concerning. The great part is, since it's now been two years since my diagnosis and start of treatment, I only have to go back every 6 months! The next time I go in, I'll have had the baby already! It's nice to know that things are going the right way. 

Appointment #4: Today was my 20 week appointment at the birth center with the midwife. I love going to these because we get to hear the baby's heartbeat. It's so fun to hear! I have finally been able to put on some weight! Which just means that I've gotten my appetite back. The baby sounds great, but scooted away as soon as she put the doppler on my belly. We found him again though, and I could feel him push back on the sensor. He wanted to be left alone apparently. I can't believe it's already half way through! 

I've been nesting like crazy. Organized the whole kitchen. Cleaned out the laundry room and that will be organized next. I've been deciding what to do in the baby's room, and we are going to be getting a mini crib to replace the full size crib so the furniture can move a little - giving some more room. We are going to try doing EC (elimination communication) with this baby, so I've been researching that, and figuring out where to get a tiny potty. I've been knitting up this baby's blanket, and really loving the pattern! I'm using some great yarn from my friend's shop - AnotherCraftyGirl - on Etsy. I love her Elmo colorway, and she is the one who does the Saoirse yarn for us. I can't wait to see it all done. 

That's all for now - I have to pee....

Little kicks....

Finally starting to feel the baby move. This is the strangest part of pregnancy for me. It's when it sort of gets real, but no one else can be part of it. Also, its hard to know what's baby and what's gas sometimes. When I went to my 16 week appointment on Monday, I couldn't really tell if it was the baby yet. Strangely, that afternoon, I really started feeling the baby wiggling. I kind of needed it, as I've still been having a tough time connecting with being pregnant. There are so many mixed emotions with this pregnancy, and it's been hard to get excited. 

When we got pregnant with Saoirse, we were so excited. Reading all the books, doing all the preparations, getting the nursery ready, planning our new family... there was so much to do, and everything was new and exciting. This time, there is less to do to prepare.  I don't need to read as many books, the nursery is already together, and Saoirse's not here to share it all with. I think as we go along, and the baby gets bigger and pushier, the excitement will build some, and I know I will love the baby when it arrives. I guess the good thing about pregnancy lasting 9 months is that we have time to work through all our emotions. 

Big Sister

Well, Mike a little bit let it out of the bag, so I guess I better put it out there... Saoirse is going to be a big sister! 

Both the baby and I are doing well. We go for regular check ups and all the doctors see no complications. I have a team of people looking over everything, and everyone has been amazingly supportive. It's been a hard time emotionally, and I've had some trouble connecting with being pregnant again, but we are working through it, and deep down we are truly excited and happy. We know Saoirse would have loved being a big sister, and she would have been a great one. 

World Cancer Day

Today is World Cancer Day. I fight for Saoirse, and I know many of you do as well. My favorite awareness video so far has been the newest one created by St Baldricks - The Childhood Cancer Ripple Effect. I wanted to share it with you all, as it really hits it right on the head. We can win the fight, but we have to do it together. 

New Ventures

We started shipping! CareAline Products have started shipping out to nurses and patients. I have been working on tweaking the website (as Mike did most of the building and has spend countless frustrating hours getting everything working), and trying to make it as easy to use as possible. Hopefully hospitals will see the benefit to supplying them to their patients. We know how much they helped with Saoirse's lines, and so we can't wait for more people to have access to them for their child's or their own lines. If you haven't seen CareAline Sleeves for PICC lines and CareAline Wraps for Central Lines check our our website! 

www.CareAline.com