Friday, January 28, 2011


   There is a lot of thinking that happens when you find out you have cancer. For the first couple days I really just didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't in denial, I just felt like talking about it was so depressing. I'm a really positive person, so depressing things just aren't popular topics of conversation for me. Plus, I still don't know a lot about what the whole "process" is going to be; staging, treatment, etc. For now, I just want to learn what I can about the disease, figure out what my course of "action" is going to be, and prepare for treatment. Can't I still have a normal life even while going through cancer treatment? Sometimes I feel like everyone thinks that's impossible. 
   I've been slowly telling family and friends. I feel like it's not something you tell someone in an email, and it's definitely not a Facebook status announcement. I hate the facial expression that comes after the revelation. It's hard to describe; it's like a combination of shock, pity and concern. I know I shouldn't be looking for a "hey let's have a party" reaction, but it just brings everything back to the depressing mood. I just wish I could telepathically tell everyone and not look at them when they found out. I feel like it would make it easier. I hate being sick, and I hate hospitals, so I'm already 0 for 2 on that front, but I just want to get through this as "normally" as I can. I don't think that's too much to ask. Or maybe it is. I guess I'll have to wait and see. 

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