Pain, Air beds and Buddism

On Thursday I had my first Nivolumab infusion. Turns out that they don't normally premed with this drug for their patients with other cancers. With an afternoon appointment, we hit traffic going in, so we were running late, and I got a late start. It's a one hour infusion, and I have it through a peripheral IV (as I feel like right now I don't need a bigger line for a short infusion with no pain). The infusion went smoothly, and seemed to be worry free. 

We got out of the hospital at about 4:45, just in time to hit rush hour traffic on the one highway that leaves Gloucester to go toward home. We got stuck in traffic, and then it hit. Excruciating pelvis and hip and lower back pain that had me screaming, cursing and writhing in pain. It took a little over an hour to get home (should take about 25 mins). I went up to bed and took two pills - an Alieve and an Ativan. I was starting to get nauseous, and I was starting to panic about the pain. I tried a bunch of positions, a heating pad, and relaxation techniques. The pain wouldn't stop, it was getting worse. I was having a full blown panic attack at this point. I started shaking uncontrollably and I was hyperventilating. I told Mike to call 911 - I needed help with the pain, and oxygen immediately. 

The paramedics put me on O2 asap as my fingers and lips were already blue. My pulse ox was in the low 80s. As soon as the oxygen flowed the shaking started to calm down. By the time we got to the hospital the shaking was done, but the pain was still a 10, which for me is insane - remember I did a c-section and only took ibuprofen (and less than they said) after, and did an unmedicated 23 hours of labor VBAC with no trouble. There have been two times I have asked for strong pain meds - my second set of kidney stones (it was 6mm, the 4mm one I passed with only taking Alieve), and bone pain from Nupogen injections with my first rounds of chemo in 2011. They put me in a room asap, and I asked the nurse for oxygen so that I could keep the panic attack at bay. She was happy to do so. I continued to cry and ask for help while waiting for the doctor. I felt horrible for the nurse, as she couldn't do anything without a doctor's order, and the ER was extremely busy. She put me as high on the list as she could (there had been people waiting for over 3 hours to be seen already) and I waited about an hour and a half for my meds. The nurse practically ran into the room with the IV morphine when she got the OK. Thank goodness for IV meds and how fast they work - while she was still pushing the dose I felt things start to relax and release. The doctor was trying to ask me questions and I had to take a second to get my head back. From 10 I went to a 3 or 4 very quickly and I finally laid back and could just be in one position. The pain started creeping back up to a 5/6 over the next hour or so, so we decided I would stay for observation overnight, take a Percocet to see if that would be enough to control it now that we were getting ahead of the pain, and they ordered a few extra tests. I apologized to all the nurses and the doctors for being so upset when I got in. They have a hard job, and I always hate to be a bad patient. 

Because I just needed to be observed and pain meds if the pain came back, they put me on the observation floor. I got up there just before midnight (after dozing a few times in the ER - thank you narcotics!), and the nurse was amazing. So sweet. Here is the greatest part - I was in a bed that had an alternating pressure air pump! The nurse said that some people don't like it because of the sound it makes (I'm used to sleeping with noise, so no biggie for me), but I found it to be the most amazing experience ever! For the first time in I don't know how long I slept for hours without needing to move and without having any pain. I even woke up pain free! I figured that it was thousands of dollars to get a mattress like that, but turns out I can get a topper with the pump for $100-300 from Walmart of all places. Going to be getting one asap - sleep is my restorative time. 

When I got home, I found a great gift from a friend - a book that I had pinned on Pinterest called "How to be Sick" by Toni Bernhard. I have already finished it. It's a look at how buddhism and it's teachings can help chronically ill people and their caregivers live less stressfully with the changes in their life. It's an amazing book and I highly recommend it to anyone who is going through an illness, taking care of someone with an illness, or the family and friends of someone with an illness. I have already implemented one or two of the things, and I'm looking forward to expanding my practice. I can't remember the last time I read a whole book, and I don't think I've EVER finished a book in a few days (thank's dyslexia). It is truly amazing that this woman - who has way more daily struggles than I do - was able to share her story and her Buddhist coping mechanisms to help all those who read her book get through with grace and peace. I will have to send her a thank you. 

I'm already feeling that this drug is having positive effects (even with all the pain it caused). I already have noticed I'm able to eat more in a sitting (showing signs that my spleen is shrinking), and I can feel twinges of things happening in my neck and armpit, and the swelling is down there as well. Even the swelling in my hip and lower abdomen is less already. I'm not counting on a miracle yet, but at least things seem to be moving in the right direction, and that (thankful to my latest read) is something to be joyful about.