So this is a little (or a lot) late, but my scans at the end of May came back clean! Everything is looking great. My doctor is pleased with how I'm doing, and she feels that I'm moving in a great direction.
My next scan would be scheduled for October, however most likely I will not have it done. The hope is that we will be trying to get pregnant then, and I don't want to risk the radiation. Even if I'm not pregnant, I'm not sure I want to keep getting the radiation. I just feel like its not worth the extra exposure, especially with all the work I'm putting in to detox my body. A scan would just be a step backwards, at a time when moving forward is so important.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Summer....
The summer time is proving to be rough emotionally. We spent last summer so hopeful that Saoirse was going to be well, and she seemed to be heading that way. We spent all our time with her - doing fun things and finding things to do that would make her forget she was sick. We made sure she enjoyed every day.
Now, everything we do is a reminder of last summer and what we did with Saoirse. It's a reminder of all the things we did with her, and all the things she got to experience. But it's also a reminder of all the things she never got to experience. When we do find something new to experience, we are saddened that Saoirse didn't get to do it with us.
This is the double edged sward of our summer this year. A time when we feel like we should be enjoying ourselves, but instead we are forcing ourselves to try and be "normal." But, thanks to good friends and family, we have been coerced into getting out and enjoying the season.
Now, everything we do is a reminder of last summer and what we did with Saoirse. It's a reminder of all the things we did with her, and all the things she got to experience. But it's also a reminder of all the things she never got to experience. When we do find something new to experience, we are saddened that Saoirse didn't get to do it with us.
This is the double edged sward of our summer this year. A time when we feel like we should be enjoying ourselves, but instead we are forcing ourselves to try and be "normal." But, thanks to good friends and family, we have been coerced into getting out and enjoying the season.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
One Change....
If you could go back and change one thing, would you? Knowing that it would change everything that happened after, would you still? Knowing that it still might not lead to what you want it to, would it be worth it? Would you change your fate? Or would you let your fate change you?
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
More Signs...
I haven't written about so many of the things that have been going on. There has been so much. I need desperately to catch up. So, sadly, this post will be kind of short, but I wanted to get it down before I forgot.
Saoirse has been showing up to our lovely visitors recently. Our amazing friend Paul came here from Chicago to go down to the Today Show event with us. He got in really late the night before we were going, and so he stayed on our couch that night. Well apparently Saoirse wanted him to visit with her, because she kept turning off his music on his phone. She just didn't want him to be listening I guess.
Mike's niece, Alyssa, stayed with us for 2 weeks as well recently. She stayed up in Saoirse's room, and we had a blast having her here. One morning (well, I guess really it was about noon - she is 15 after all), Alyssa came down stairs and asked if we had gone in her room last night. Of course, we hadn't (she's a teenager, not an infant). She told us that she thought maybe we had moved the things off of Saoirse's changing table, because one of her bins was on the floor, and one of her line flushes was in a different place. Apparently Saoirse was doing some redecorating over night, and wanted Alyssa to play doctor with her. I'm not sure if Alyssa was excited or weirded out by the news that it was not us, but Saoirse, but she seemed to move on and continue with the day. I felt good that Saoirse wasn't trying to get Alyssa out of her room :)
I will post more about all our goings on soon. Someday I'll feel like I can sit and wright. It's been a tough few weeks, but hopefully things will start to settle soon. Although I feel like I've been saying that forever. Someday.
Saoirse has been showing up to our lovely visitors recently. Our amazing friend Paul came here from Chicago to go down to the Today Show event with us. He got in really late the night before we were going, and so he stayed on our couch that night. Well apparently Saoirse wanted him to visit with her, because she kept turning off his music on his phone. She just didn't want him to be listening I guess.
Mike's niece, Alyssa, stayed with us for 2 weeks as well recently. She stayed up in Saoirse's room, and we had a blast having her here. One morning (well, I guess really it was about noon - she is 15 after all), Alyssa came down stairs and asked if we had gone in her room last night. Of course, we hadn't (she's a teenager, not an infant). She told us that she thought maybe we had moved the things off of Saoirse's changing table, because one of her bins was on the floor, and one of her line flushes was in a different place. Apparently Saoirse was doing some redecorating over night, and wanted Alyssa to play doctor with her. I'm not sure if Alyssa was excited or weirded out by the news that it was not us, but Saoirse, but she seemed to move on and continue with the day. I felt good that Saoirse wasn't trying to get Alyssa out of her room :)
I will post more about all our goings on soon. Someday I'll feel like I can sit and wright. It's been a tough few weeks, but hopefully things will start to settle soon. Although I feel like I've been saying that forever. Someday.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Two....
Two year olds are just huge. They have done 6 months of growing since I last saw Saoirse. For a long time they never seemed different. But for some reason, recently they have really seemed so much older; so much bigger. More like little people, less like toddlers. I feel like I can't relate any more. I don't have any advice; I don't have any relevant anecdotes; I can't commiserate over personal experience. I feel so out of touch. I'm in some sort of limbo - some sort of strange purgatory between new mom and experienced mom. Some sort of time warp. It's very strange.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Anniversary.....4 years, 3rd time forgotten
June 21st is when Mike and I got married. Strangely enough, we have only ever remembered on our own on our first anniversary. This year was number 4. Some days it feels like we just got married, but for the most part it feels like it has been much more than 4 years.
Our first anniversary, I do remember that we remembered (heck, it was the first one, we better have remembered!) I also remember that we didn't celebrate that day. Mike had to work until 9 or 10 pm I believe, and I think we waited until his next day off to go to dinner.
Our second anniversary, we had just had Saoirse. She would have been just 3 weeks old. I remember taking her for a walk in the stroller. We live at the end of a road that leads to a park and estate where many events are held. This day, there was an event, and there was a sign on the road. We looked at it, looked at the date on it, turned to each other and said "happy anniversary." It didn't matter that we forgot, we had our new baby to keep us busy.
Last year was a bit different. June 21st was a Tuesday, and that Friday, June 24th, was the only day that Saoirse and I both had chemotherapy on the same day. Tuesday, she would have already started, so we probably didn't even know what the date was. I think other people reminded us. I can't remember for sure. I know we never much celebrated, although I do believe we went to dinner, at some point.
This year, no surprise, we both forgot. We actually had a meeting that evening. I remember waking up, checking email, and going through my Facebook goings on (like I do every morning). And our friend Katie had put it right there to remind me. Lucky for me I was up first so I got to say it first. We knew it wouldn't be a particularly celebratory day, but at least we "remembered." We are going out on a mini get away this weekend. I'm looking forward to it. It was a gift from a very generous person, and I'm glad we will be able to get away fro a little bit.
Hopefully next year, we won't forget. Maybe I'll make my calendar remind me the day before.
Our first anniversary, I do remember that we remembered (heck, it was the first one, we better have remembered!) I also remember that we didn't celebrate that day. Mike had to work until 9 or 10 pm I believe, and I think we waited until his next day off to go to dinner.
Our second anniversary, we had just had Saoirse. She would have been just 3 weeks old. I remember taking her for a walk in the stroller. We live at the end of a road that leads to a park and estate where many events are held. This day, there was an event, and there was a sign on the road. We looked at it, looked at the date on it, turned to each other and said "happy anniversary." It didn't matter that we forgot, we had our new baby to keep us busy.
Last year was a bit different. June 21st was a Tuesday, and that Friday, June 24th, was the only day that Saoirse and I both had chemotherapy on the same day. Tuesday, she would have already started, so we probably didn't even know what the date was. I think other people reminded us. I can't remember for sure. I know we never much celebrated, although I do believe we went to dinner, at some point.
This year, no surprise, we both forgot. We actually had a meeting that evening. I remember waking up, checking email, and going through my Facebook goings on (like I do every morning). And our friend Katie had put it right there to remind me. Lucky for me I was up first so I got to say it first. We knew it wouldn't be a particularly celebratory day, but at least we "remembered." We are going out on a mini get away this weekend. I'm looking forward to it. It was a gift from a very generous person, and I'm glad we will be able to get away fro a little bit.
Hopefully next year, we won't forget. Maybe I'll make my calendar remind me the day before.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
The Positives of ...... Chemo?
Today we celebrated Saoirse with great family and friends. It was a beautiful day, and it was great to see good friends, eat good food, and watch the kids play and laugh and swing and blow bubbles! Today was a good day.
I got into a conversation about the positive side effects that I have had with chemo. For all the negative that chemo does, especially to your body and your insides, there are a few choice things that are "benefits" from being injected with toxic chemicals.
1. Chemo Cures Psoriasis
I think you guys read about this before on my other post. (update - as that immune system comes back, the psoriasis does too, but mine isn't as bad...yet)
2. Chemo (and cancer) is the Fastest Weight Loss Plan Ever!
I would not recommend this, but it is highly effective. (Having a child with cancer, however, is the exact opposite!)
3. Chemo Abolishes Allergies and Asthma
I have not had an allergy symptom since coming off chemo. I have also not had to use my maintenance medication or rescue medication for my asthma. Go figure.
4. Chemo Curls Hair
Yup - best perm ever! When that hair comes back, it comes in thick, curly and fabulous! It's great to have hair again, and even better that it comes in with it's own new style. It's like a mini makeover!
Yup, a lot of women pay big bucks to have these things. I suppose I paid big bucks too, but at least mine was covered by insurance :) Wanna see the hair? Here it is!
I got into a conversation about the positive side effects that I have had with chemo. For all the negative that chemo does, especially to your body and your insides, there are a few choice things that are "benefits" from being injected with toxic chemicals.
1. Chemo Cures Psoriasis
I think you guys read about this before on my other post. (update - as that immune system comes back, the psoriasis does too, but mine isn't as bad...yet)
2. Chemo (and cancer) is the Fastest Weight Loss Plan Ever!
I would not recommend this, but it is highly effective. (Having a child with cancer, however, is the exact opposite!)
3. Chemo Abolishes Allergies and Asthma
I have not had an allergy symptom since coming off chemo. I have also not had to use my maintenance medication or rescue medication for my asthma. Go figure.
4. Chemo Curls Hair
Yup - best perm ever! When that hair comes back, it comes in thick, curly and fabulous! It's great to have hair again, and even better that it comes in with it's own new style. It's like a mini makeover!
Yup, a lot of women pay big bucks to have these things. I suppose I paid big bucks too, but at least mine was covered by insurance :) Wanna see the hair? Here it is!
(it was purple for the buzz off)
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