Growing Up

I find myself questioning why it is that we are always so eager to see our babies grow up. To do the next thing, to learn the next skill, to gain the next pound. It seems like there is always a milestone waiting in the distance to be achieved, and when it is, there is another. 

As I have wrestled these past few days with trying to get my baby to sleep without me holding him - and desperately trying to break the swaddle - I began to think and wonder why I'm working so hard to push him to that next stage. 

As each day passes he gets heavier and heavier. Holding him all swaddled up and straight is a strain on my back, and he just seems to scream and scream until he finally falls asleep, only to be jarred awake when I put him down. I try so hard to get him to nap so I can get something done - work on event planning, proof read a contract, design a poster, update a website. Running a business and a foundation and being a full time mom is more jobs than one person really can do in 24 hours a day. 

But as I sit here, thinking about night wakings and schedules, errands and meetings, I start to think about how I said I would just put him in the carrier and go about my business. And I think about those days that I did just that and how much happier he had been, and how much better he had slept, and how he barely even fussed. Why am I fighting something that so obviously he needs - just to be with me. 

He just needs me. 

We are so focused on the next - we need to be focused on the now. 

It all brings me back to Saoirse. Now, she was a champion sleeper - through the night at 10 weeks, 12-13 hours a night at 4 months. She took naps when she was supposed to, she slept without being swaddled, she fell asleep on her own. But then there was the hospital - and then coming home from the hospital, and crying in her crib and me not wanting to rush to her side because I wanted her to learn to fall asleep on her own again. And now, all I think of now is how I would give anything to have her crying for me to come snuggle her to sleep, to tell her that everything is ok, and to stroke her head and sing to her. 

And I have the chance to be that for Lochlan. To just hold him, and snuggle him, and stroke his head and sing to him. It's hard to remember that there is no going back to that - there is no rewind when he is 15 and never wants me in his room. That this time when he needs me for everything is so fleeting and so precious, and should be cherished and enjoyed. 

Tomorrow he will be with me. Tomorrow I will just think about the moments, and not about the tomorrows. 

Traveling.....

Lochlan is now two months old. The first month of his life we spent cuddling, and getting used to having a baby in the house again. The second month was spent on a whirl wind tour of the north eastern US - traveling by car to see family, friends, and mostly work. Lochlan, in his first two months, has seen states that I never had, and met more people than most two month olds could even expect to encounter. 

Firstly we took a 'test' trip to Virginia. My friends who I grew up with were all getting together for a little reunion (we all turn 30 starting this year - I'm the 'baby' so I turn 30 next July). All but two of our close knit group could make it, so I was determined to get down there to see everyone. (PS: we are not from VA, but Angela hosted and that's where she lives now.) Stopping in NYC to drop off the dog and break up the driving, we managed to get to Richmond in one piece, with not too much protesting from Lochlan (who hates the car). A whirlwind long weekend, we headed back home where we stayed just 5 days before leaving for our next excursion.

We started driving to Chicago - a 16 to 18 hour drive when we used to drive straight through, but with the baby (and in reality even the last couple trips out), we stop in Erie, PA for the night to break it up. Our wonderful friends, Paul and Katie, host us when we come - which makes a big difference when you are going to be on the road for so long (a kitchen and good friends always make a trip better). During our 7 days in the Chicagoland area, we had more than 7 families and friends to try and see. We managed to "cram" everyone in, and it felt like we spent most of the time in the car going from one place to another - double booking more times than I would like to admit. I am determined not to cram so much into so little time next time we are out there. 

From there we stopped for a meeting with a potential sales rep in Indiana. We stayed the night and headed down to Louisville, KY to the APHON conference. This is a conference we have been looking forward to for over a year. We missed last year's by just a few weeks, and this was the first on our list for ones we had to make in 2013 (and we will be going in 2014 for sure!). This was a great conference. Short, just 2 exhibit days, it is and intense show. We seemed to be quite a popular booth, and found so many nurses wanting more information to bring to their hospitals. As an added bonus, we saw a few of Saoirse's nurses from Children's and they were excited to meet Lochlan. He was a hit of the show, and (when he wasn't sleeping) flirted with all the nurses. 

From there we headed down to Nashville and a meeting with a distributor who is interested in our products. The first day Mike went to the AVA conference as a day guest, and spoke to a few people there. We had considered doing that show, but it was quite expensive, and we weren't sure if it would be worth it. I think the day pass was the right choice for this trip. We wandered around Nashville some, which was quite a trip (we saw someone almost get run over, and then pull a spoiler off a car, and we saw about ten thousand teen and tween girls wandering around before the Taylor Swift concert!). We decided to escape the main strip crazies, and headed up to find an art gallery. We found a great one - and we bought a painting! I love finding art when we travel and this one has a great story - it is from a group of paintings that are done by people in a community program for the disabled. They are mostly in wheelchairs, and have limited use of their hands. They paint either with their mouth, or they give signals to another person to where they want the paint and colors to go on the canvas. When you purchase the paintings, the money goes back to the program so they can continue to create! I love that the gallery is giving back to these people and helping them express themselves through art (this gallery also coordinates a program for local kids to do art after school when they might otherwise be left alone at home or out on the streets). 

After Nashville, we went back to Kentucky, this time to Lexington. We did an inservice at the University of Kentucky Children's hospital. One of the nurse managers had met us at APHON, and she wanted us to present our products to her staff. It was great to be able to go in and present the products and show how much they will be able to help the patients. 

From Kentucky, our goal was to get back to NYC for a few days. It's a long drive, so we decided to crash for the night back in Richmond. My friends were shocked at how big Lochlan had gotten in just 4 weeks. (He's growing like a weed!) Then we went up to NYC and tried to relax a little. Staying with friends always helps - especially when it means we get a home cooked meal after too much eating out. 

The driving took its toll on all of us. By the time we got to NYC, Lochlan was so off in sleeping, it took hours to get him to sleep at night. We managed to get him to nap during the day most of the time, but just short ones (which is a current trend even at home now because of all the "rocking" in the car). We were sick of the cramped quarters too, and were ready to get home. 

Once we got home, we weren't here for long. We had to make two trips right away - one to Vermont to meet a potential distributor, and one to Pittsburgh to do a children's hospital presentation. So more driving and more cramped quarters and interrupted sleeping. But now, hopefully (knock on all kinds of wood!) we will be home for a while and can just be settled (and stretched out). 

Things are moving like crazy - I have 3 events I'm trying to plan for the foundation, and things keep getting pushed off some, but we are making some headway. Now all I need is to find a few more board members and a grant writer, and maybe a free personal assistant (never hurts to wish). 

"Things I do now...."

teething (yup, for real - yes he's really young!)

sitting up in the corner of the couch

chewing on my hands when I can get them

grabbing toys

watching mommy do laundry

babbling stories

More Signs...

I haven't written about so many of the things that have been going on. There has been so much. I need desperately to catch up. So, sadly, this post will be kind of short, but I wanted to get it down before I forgot. 


Saoirse has been showing up to our lovely visitors recently. Our amazing friend Paul came here from Chicago to go down to the Today Show event with us. He got in really late the night before we were going, and so he stayed on our couch that night. Well apparently Saoirse wanted him to visit with her, because she kept turning off his music on his phone. She just didn't want him to be listening I guess. 


Mike's niece, Alyssa, stayed with us for 2 weeks as well recently. She stayed up in Saoirse's room, and we had a blast having her here. One morning (well, I guess really it was about noon - she is 15 after all), Alyssa came down stairs and asked if we had gone in her room last night. Of course, we hadn't (she's a teenager, not an infant). She told us that she thought maybe we had moved the things off of Saoirse's changing table, because one of her bins was on the floor, and one of her line flushes was in a different place. Apparently Saoirse was doing some redecorating over night, and wanted Alyssa to play doctor with her. I'm not sure if Alyssa was excited or weirded out by the news that it was not us, but Saoirse, but she seemed to move on and continue with the day. I felt good that Saoirse wasn't trying to get Alyssa out of her room :)


I will post more about all our goings on soon. Someday I'll feel like I can sit and wright. It's been a tough few weeks, but hopefully things will start to settle soon. Although I feel like I've been saying that forever. Someday. 

Poem

So, as I was laying in bed the other night, trying to fall asleep, I thought I would sing my self a little lullaby. Well, I didn't want to sing any of the ones I sang to Saoirse (after all, I was trying to fall asleep, not make my mind go crazy), and I couldn't think of any others. So I decided to recite a poem instead. I remembered one from when I was little - "Now I lay me down to sleep..." and decided that was a good one to go with. Now, we're not really religious at all, in fact I was raised Unitarian Universalist, but I think all little ones know this and recite it at some point, so I remembered it pretty well. Once I ran it through my head a couple times, I started adding verses. They were pretty good, so I figured I'd write them down. So I'll share my little poem here, and you can all use it to fall asleep tonight. It worked for me.

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the lord my soul to keep 

And if I die before I wake

I pray the lord my soul to take

But if I should awake the morn

I pray my soul to be reborn 

For I have known such sorrow deep

I know not how my soul will keep 

And must I rise again next day

My heart just wants to slip away

I can not go for is my fate

To stay behind and contemplate

I wake again and thank the sun

For I have the first battle won

And now my journey I must meet

To make my heart and soul complete 

I'll keep you close as I draw near

While pushing through the fateful fear

Thinking of that tragic day

When quietly you slipped away

I may be here without you now

Forced to face the why and how

But when I feel we are apart

I know that you still have my heart.